Happily Ever After?

The honeymoon has ended and you're settling into married life together back in "the real world." Suddenly you're noticing things you never realized about your mate, like the amount of time he spends watching sports on TV, or the way she won't stop talking for five minutes. Little annoyances are grating on your nerves and sometimes your husband or wife seems more like an inconsiderate roommate than the love of your life.

According to Les and Leslie Parrot in Getting Ready for the Wedding (Zondervan Publishing House, 1998) many couples report that the first year of marriage is the most difficult. The commitment of "till death do we part," so exhilarating at first can sometimes feel suffocating. At times, you might feel disillusioned, disappointed, even angry. You may even begin to worry that you've made a mistake. Sometimes you don't feel much love at all towards your spouse; the relationship seems to have gone flat. You may feel jaded about marriage or wonder if you've fallen out of love.

Know that it is natural to feel this way. You are not alone in having doubts, or feeling disappointed as reality clashes with your expectations. However, after this stage of disillusionment can grow deep commitment to your spouse, based on life in the "real world." The honeymoon, or separation from the world, cannot last forever! The love and passion you experienced and extended towards one another can last when you build on a solid foundation and avoid potholes along the way.

Remember the vows you made on your wedding day? Most likely you promised to love your husband or wife even in the event of dire circumstances. Traditional vows include words like "sickness and health" and "for richer or poorer" and so on. These vows are based upon trust, commitment, self-sacrifice and honor. Notice that words like "passion," "attraction," and "happiness" are missing from that last sentence.

Love--true love--is not based on feelings.

Recipe for a Happy Marriage

Not long after the honeymoon is over, many couples suddenly feel that they must now be serious, no nonsense people. They tend to fall into a rut of unrealistic expectations, assuming their spouses can read their minds as to what they want and need. But real life is not a romantic fairy tale and only you can create an environment that is conducive to romance, and bring out the lover in your spouse. Here are some ideas to zip up your married life. 

1. Saying "I Love You" works. Say it as often as you want.

2. Try a new position every month.

3. Remember, the more you give is the more you get.

4. Do not ignore yourself. Looking good for each other makes you want to be closer emotionally and physically.

5. If you are a woman and you feel like doing it, don’t be shy of suggesting.

6. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Learn to explain your angry feelings decently.

7. Exchange gifts for no reason once in a while.

8. At least once a month, do it out of the bedroom.

9. Go out alone at least once a month. If you have small kids, leave them with a friend, family or a sitter.

10. Small love gestures add a feeling of courtship. They can be serious or silly or sexy.

11. Create fun evenings, play silly games or read comics together.

12. Surprise your spouse by doing something special and unexpected.

13. Show affection and be liberal with your hugs and kisses. These small actions demonstrate the love inside you.

14. Men and Women look at sex differently. Remember sex is always on a priority list for a man.

15. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.

16. Give each other a massage. Use massage oils, candlelight and soft music.

17. Never bring up issues from the past. Discuss one subject at a time.

18. Forget your ego. Don’t wait for your partner to initiate something.

19. Make a ritual of going to sleep together. Snuggle for a few minutes before kissing and falling asleep.

20. Take a bubble bath together. Turn on your favorite love song CD. Then hop in together and enjoy each other’s company.

21. When you make a mistake, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness.

22. Try to be each other’s soul mate.

23. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.

24. Don’t take each other for granted. Be generous with compliments like "You are great!", "good food", "Hi Handsome" etc.

25. Go to the park for long walks, hand in hand.

26. Say it! Don’t imagine your partner knows how you feel. He is not a god.